I Would Have Loved You All My Life
by Consulting-Prussian
Summary: Gilbert was never the type to deal with painful things. This was his famous last words. A song!fic of, "Losing Your Memory," by Ryan Star. Character death, PruAus, Angst.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own this song, or Hetalia, or anything like that. **

**I take requests, (Most of the time. ) So if there's anything you'd like, just ask me and I'll say whether or not I'll write it! **

_Call all your friends, tell them I'm never coming back, _

Gilbert stared at himself in the mirror. Doing so was terrifying, something he didn't do anymore. Never too close, never close enough to see into his own eyes.

Dead.

He walked out of his apartment a few minutes later, wearing a black wool jacket and a black scarf. He looked like most New Yorkers in the fall, covered in black, somewhat expensive, somewhat warm fabrics. But he didn't carry the nonchalant look of everyone else. He looked broken. He knew where he was going. He devoured the feeling of every last step he took.

'_Cause this is the end, pretend that you want it… don't cry out. _

He looked down at his phone as he rode the subway to this specific place. He contemplated sending a text to someone, but that could make his chances of completing this task harder, or impossible. There was no, 'hello,' no 'goodbye,' no 'sorry,'

All his sorries would fall to the ground.

There was one thing he had to say. He'd become a ghost if he didn't. He procrastinated, and weaited until the subway came to a halt where he was getting off.

He smiled as he brought his happy memories into his head. He thought of all those times he laughed with Francis and Antonio, getting drunk and doing things they'd most likely regret in the morning. He thought of raising his younger brother, Ludwig. How Ludwig had grown to be a successful man , with a happy life one happier than Gilbert's.

He thought of when he and Elizaveta were young, they laughed, and played, and got yelled at by grownups for shooting arrows in their lawn or other antics. He thought of when he realized he had fallen in love with her, and how happy they were for a while. They were still friends, even eight years after they broke up. He thought of everything and every time he spent with Fritz, all that time before Old Fritz died. He remembered meeting Roderich Edelstein, and how he had punched the man the first time they met accidentally. He was sorry at first, but after getting to know the man, he was not sorry. No matter what, he was not sorry for the punch that introduced them.

He was walking up the stairs now, his heart wasn't beating fast, but he was shaking. He felt light, but heavy. He didn't have to deal with anything, but this was his last everything.

He hit the call button on his phone as it rang three times before a voice picked up,

"Hallo?"

_The damage is done. The police are coming too slow now. _

"Specs, it's your favourite Prussian!"

"Favourite?"

"I'm the only one left, so you don't have a choice."

"That's rather dark for you. Are you sick?"

He smiled at this, "Maybe in some way. Heh,"

"Gilbert, what's wrong?"

"Go outside."

"Why-"

"Go outside. Now." His voice broke. And in that moment, he wanted to live.

As he heard Roderich open and close the door, and watched him walk out.

But he knew what he had to do, this had to happen.

"Look up."

Roderich turned around and his face paled. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"Don't give me that. I'm going to be quick."

"Why are you calling me?"

"Roderich, I love you."

"And you're telling me this on a roof top over the phone, why?"

"Even if you don't want to believe it, please just be honest with yourself!"

Roderich couldn't tell if he was talking about loving the aristocrat, or why he was on the roof. "You're not thinking of-"

"This is it." He took a deep breath, "_I would have died, I would have loved you all my life_ "

"You-"

"_You're losing your memory._"

"What?"


	2. Losing Your Memory

**It's been almost a week… **

**THAT'S REALLY GOOD FOR ME! **

**Anyways, so I see you're all surprised that this isn't a oneshot. Well if you listen to the fucking song, and, (Deanna, Adriana I know you have. ) it's not over in this. I probably sound angry, I'm not. I say really angry sounding things, but I'm of the most nonchalant people ever. I swear. I don't care if you only read chapter one, never to read this again. **

**As I informed, send me a message if you have a request, I'll tell you if I'll write it! You'll know when this story is over. **

Gilbert's face was covered in tears.

_You're losing your memory now. _

"Why can't you see it!"

"What do you mean, I-"

"Couldn't you tell? Wasn't it obvious?! It was right in front of you, I never denied any of this."

"You said you were Awesome every minute of everyday." Roderich tried to defend himself,

"Seventeen years. I spent them trying to over you. I didn't say I was happy."

"Why do you act like this was obvious?"

"It was obvious!" Gilbert snapped, then his facial expression changed. He smile insanely and laughed hysterically, "And now, I'm dead. And Roderich Edelstein, you cannot follow me to my grave, HA, I don't have to love you for anymore minutes!"

"No, come down from there, please!" Roderich begged his friend, but it was too late. Gilbret came down there, and not in the way Roderich wanted him to. His last words were, "You'll forget, I promise."

That promise would never be kept.

You're losing your memory now.

Two weeks later, Gilbert's funeral was held.

_Where have you gone? The beach is cold in winter, here. _

Roderich and Elizaveta showed up in black, it had been 7 months since Roderich announced he and Elizaveta were getting married. He should have known. Gilbert was the first to congratulate him. The Prussian and laughed, and said he'd go out to the store to get Roderich and Elizaveta some flowers. Roderich didn't he cried during the entire walk. Roderich never knew, Gilbert had a conversation with himself that day. When to commit suicide.

Gilbert couldn't die that day, it would ruin the happiness Roderich and Elizaveta deserved. He needed to wait for it to die down. Until both of them got sad occasionally, so he wouldn't ruin anything.

_Where have I gone? I wake in Montauk, with you near. _

Gilbert would never know, it did ruin everything.

Roderich did not say any words for Gilbert's funeral. He walked by the coffin very quickly, resting a white rose onto Gilbert's chest. He didn't anything to anyone.

Matthew, who was probably Gilbert's best friend, other than Roderich, talked for the longest time. He said everything about Gilbert, tears rolling down his cheeks the entire time. Ludwig had a lot to say too. How Gilbert had raised him well, even though Gilbert had failed at his dream early on, and lost the only father figure he'd ever had at age 11.

The funeral ended and everybody began to leave. Roderich told Elizaveta to go back to their apartment. He told her he'd walk.

She asked if he was okay, and he forced a weak smile, "Yes, I just need to be alone for a little while."

He walked to the grave of Gilbert W. Beilschmidt, holding his violin and bow in his left hand.

Remember the day, …'cause this what dreams should always be.

He began to play wildly fast, almost angry, but he could never be. Roderich played every song that came to mind when he thought of Gilbert. His hands grew tired quickly, but he kept playing; he would never get closure otherwise.

'You did this to me… '

He thought as his hands worked to be play a sad, beautiful song.

_I just want to stay; I just want keep this dream in me… _

He finished and fell to his knees, not caring that he had crumbled, felt worthless, felt like there was nothing left in the world to live for.

"Why couldn't it have been a joke? A sick joke, that I would punch you afterwards, and you'd laugh, and I'd take weeks to forgive you. Because I can't deal with this!"

He sat there, crying. Hours went by. He cried, mourned, and beat his head.

"What did I do?! Why couldn't I see, why couldn't you stay! Why did this have to happen?!"

He rested his head on the ground and cried, softly, "No… " He stuttered out.

His violin lay next to him while he cried on the ground to the silent grave.

**I'm so sorry it took that long for me to post this chapter! I'm happy that I made some of you cry! :) And there's more chapters to come! You should review, because I'll love you if you do. And I'm going to say this so that you never forget, ever. I take requests, so you should give me one. I hope you like this! **


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